when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
