For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
My ass is underappreciated
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
