Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
