um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
