we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
