If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
