Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
