Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
