ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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