We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
