Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
