There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
