Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm just crazy horny about you
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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