i would punch a child for taco bell
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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