Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
