All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
