I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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