Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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