I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
