i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
