yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
