capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
