he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
