where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
