My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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