so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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