used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
