O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
