Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
