currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
