And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I want her autograph on my taint
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
