At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
