I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
