my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
