he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
