im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
