ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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