apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
