Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
