I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
