Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
