i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
nutella sex= disaster
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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