3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
