no you cant smoke seaweed
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
