let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
