After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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