I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
