Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
