True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
