my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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